subject
Arts, 18.12.2020 05:30 ayoismeisalex

Can you please critique this piece as violently as possible? tell me what you think & be very blunt & honest. hurt my feelings if you must idc.

okay.
original song by: naomi ts

black & blueberries, sticky fingers from vanilla frosting.
purple palms trees & falling asleep in the middle of the day.
soil stained pants, & your mother’s old hands.
slowly slowly these words are fading, my hurt never escaping.
you say you love me & then just leave again.
you say you need me but won’t listen to my screams for help.
It’s over… before it began, I’m not a stoner but I’d take a chance
as long as the pain stopped. I think I’d try anything.
so sick of feeling this way. I wish there was just one day
where I could honestly say I was okay.
overthinking everything, my mind is bending.
save me before I break. my brain is killing me every day.
this silence is so painful. just let me sit with you at the table.
I’m so lonely, and hopeless. not holy just broken.
not holy just broken, I’m lonely & hopeless. so over it.

warm blankets on a chilly day, sweet memories slipping away.
smells of daisies are clouded by the chemicals I feed my brain.
taking my time walking home in the rain. don’t forget about the pain!
slowly slowly these words are fading, my hurt never escaping.
perfect pieces of me that once laid in my consciousness disappearing.
I’m so scared of what you might think if I were to let go of everything.
It’s over… before it began, I’m not a stoner but I’d take a chance
as long as the pain stopped. I think I’d try anything.
so sick of feeling this way. I wish there was just one day
where I could honestly say I was okay.
overthinking everything, my mind is bending.
save me before I break. my brain is killing me every day.
this silence is so painful. just let me sit with you at the table.
I’m so lonely, and hopeless. not holy just broken.
not holy just broken, I’m lonely & hopeless. so over it.

‘hush my love this will all go away just wait a couple of days.’
you’ve been telling me that since it all started. telling me it’s my fault
I’m sorry. I hurt you, I hurt me too. I’ve already lost you & now I’ve lost me too.

It’s over… before it began, I’m not a stoner but I’d take a chance
as long as the pain stopped. I think I’d try anything.
so sick of feeling this way. I wish there was just one day
where I could honestly say I was okay.
overthinking everything, my mind is bending.
save me before I break. my brain is killing me every day.
this silence is so painful. just let me sit with you at the table.
I’m so lonely, and hopeless. not holy just broken.
not holy just broken, I’m lonely & hopeless. so over it.

irrational overthinker... aren't we all? ily my babes, you know who you are! <3
I need so much... things you cannot provide me but it's okay i'm okay...


Can you please critique this piece as violently as possible?

tell me what you think & be very

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Answers: 2

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