Can someone me make this speech a good 5 minutes?

persuasive speech outline
i. introduction
a. you all must know that alcohol abuse can cause serious damage to the human body. but did you know that millions of people in america are oblivious of the effects it has on you? i am going to persuade you to drink alcohol carefully and responsibly. i chose this topic because i myself have been affected by this issue and would like to persuade you on how harmful alcohol abuse really is. i am also going to talk to you about the types of drinking, how it can be avoided, and how much it can change your life.
ii. body
a. what alcohol abuse is
1. there are two types of drinking; heavy drinking and binge drinking
2. according to the centers for disease control and prevention, “binge drinking, the most common form of excessive drinking is defined as consuming, for women, 4 or more drinks during a single occasion. for men, 5 or more drinks during a single occasion. heavy drinking is defined as consuming for women, 8 or more drinks per week. for men, 15 or more drinks per week.” end quote.

b. drinking can cause a lot of negative health effects physically and mentally
1. such as, yellowing of the eyes, liver damage, violent behavior, hospitalization, loss of appetite, poisoning, etc.
c. people should be more careful with how they drink
1. dui and accidents:
2. families can be broken: many families who have someone who drinks excessively, have been abused due to the damage alcohol has in them.
3. you can lose a lot of money because of buying bottles of alcohol all the time. all the money wasted on alcohol could have been used for taxes, bills, and other needs.
d. what people should do to avoid alcohol abuse
1. abstinence: not drinking at all can avoid alcohol abuse by a lot. many people would be safe
2. moderate/responsible consumption (health benefits of one glass of red wine) if drunken responsibly, it can benefit you in some ways. according to the canadian nursing home of health media states, drinking red wine can enhance your memory,

this means a lot to me because my two grandfathers lost their lives as a result of complications from alcohol abuse

iii. conclusion

I'd love to help lengthen your speech! I'm so sorry for your loss, alcohol abuse is such a painful thing :c

You all must know that alcohol abuse can cause serious damage to the human body. But did you know that millions of people in America are oblivious of the effects it has on you? I am going to persuade you to drink alcohol carefully and responsibly. I chose this topic because I myself have been affected by this issue and would like to persuade you on how harmful alcohol abuse really is. I am also going to talk to you about the types of drinking, how it can be avoided, and how much it can change your life. 

There are two types of drinking; heavy drinking and binge drinking. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, “Binge drinking, the most common form of excessive drinking is defined as consuming, for women, 4 or more drinks during a single occasion. For men, 5 or more drinks during a single occasion. Heavy drinking is defined as consuming for women, 8 or more drinks per week. For men, 15 or more drinks per week.” Consuming this amount of drinks is extremely detrimental to one's health, as excessive alcohol in one's system can shut down important organs such as the liver, and can lead to alcohol poisoning which can be deadly. Bingeing on alcohol is also extremely dangerous as it causes dependency on drinks to cope with pain, instead of healthy alternatives such as exercise, meditation, and counseling. By reaching for a drink instead of a phone to call for help, the person's dependency on alcohol increases and the cycle repeats itself over and over again.

In addition to creating a cycle of addiction, consumption of alcohol is linked to yellowing of eyes, liver damage, violent behavior, the need to be hospitalized, loss of appetite, alcohol poisoning, and more. Someone who consumes too much alcohol and drives after drinking can ruin their life and endanger those around them. Families can be broken by the need to drink. Many families who have someone who drinks excessively, have had to deal with not only violent behavior from the drinker but also may have to cover any fines and other alcohol related expenses, including payment of more alcohol lest the alcoholic experience withdrawal systems, some of which can be fatal. Sometimes, addiction can reach to a point where stopping "cold-turkey" can kill the drinker because of their body getting used to the alcohol. You can lose a lot of money because of buying bottles of alcohol all the time, and medical expenses for alcohol-related hospital visits. All the money wasted on alcohol could have been used for taxes, bills, and other needs. 

Before this speech concludes, I have some advice for you related to alcohol consumption. You can either remain abstinent -- not drink at all -- and never have to worry about ever getting addicted to alcoholic drinks. If you do decide to drink alcohol, drink responsibly. A bit of red wine can even enhance your memory, according to the Canadian Nursing Home of Health Media. However, if addiction and instant gratification impulses run in your family, it's best that you avoid sipping an alcoholic beverage altogether. It's better safe than sorry.

In the end, it's you who holds the key to your future. You can either take the high road, and limit alcohol consumption, or give into the cravings and regret it for the rest of your life. The choice is yours, but after hearing all of the awful things about alcohol abuse, do you really want to go through that?

(I added in details and concluded with a rhetorical question for the audience, let me know if you like it!)