See picture (counting in four four time)

1, 2, e, and, a, 3, and, 4. 1, and, a, 2, e, a, 3, and, 4.

Explanation:

That second one is a tough one. It just takes so patience. Use whatever syllable you were taught but I'm pretty sure these are the most common.  Each comma is a division between the note given.

what the fuck

he was always smiling, wearing the same thing, and sitting criss cross apple sauce.