At the end of the passage what is the narrator wishing for? how do you know?

In tim o'brien's chapter "good form," what does the narrator say is thehappening-truth? oa. that the man he killed was slim and daintyob. that he has never seen a dying person in his lifeoc. that he killed hundreds of men and remembers all their facesod. that he was afraid to look at the faces of the dead