What was a moment in which you realized “Sh*t, I’m the aśsholé” ?

My uncle got cheated on by his wife of 20 years. The divorce was ugly. The whole family was pulled into the fray. Both his kids were in college, so they were spared the nastiness.

Even before the divorce was finalized, the wife went around town, remorseless, flaunting her lover. It was scandalous. My uncle was so ashamed he refused to leave the house except for his job, and opted out of all family events. He became depressed and suicidal.

One day our house phone rang. Father picked it up. My uncle was crying and holding a gun to his head. My father convinced him to put it down while I dialed the helpline.

We arranged an intervention and convinced him to get therapy. This helped. In one of his groups, he made a friend named Felicia. Toothy grin and wild red hair. She changed him completely. It wasn’t long before they were dating. In a year, they were married. Felicia really wanted kids of her own. They tried for two years until she finally became pregnant.

They were so happy. My uncle would share updates of his wife’s health, ultrasound pictures, the nursery they were setting up in an old gym room and spending shi.tloads of money on. One day, eight months in, he comes home to find his wife on the floor. She was bleeding. That’s how I saw him that day when we reached the hospital: in a white shirt stained red with his wife’s blood.

Until the day I die I will never forget his face, his drawn eyes.

For 10 hours, the doctors worked to save both the wife and baby. Failing that, six hours more to save only the dying wife. When she too breathed her last, the doctor came out and gently broke the news to uncle. He just crumpled on the chair behind him. A day before, he was the cheeriest man alive. Now he'd lost both of them.

I looked at my father, who had told him a forever ago, “things will get better, I promise.” He was standing next to my uncle with his hand on his shoulder, completely at a loss for words.

In that moment, I knew that “Everything happens for a reason” is the sh.ittiest philosophy of life there is. Life is random, happiness is fleeting, and hope? Hope is probably the most sadistic bitc.h out there.

adverb is the answer i believe.