Giving medals and 15 pts pls

in no fewer than three sentences, critique the following paragraph. explain where it could be improved. then, in your own words, rewrite the paragraph to make its writing stronger. make sure you include a hook, supporting evidence, and a topic sentence. use correct spelling and grammar.

learning to swim is one of my happiest childhood memories. the beach offers more than a place to develop strong swimming skills. there are many things to do at the beach. it is unfortunate that so many people spend every day indoors. more people should take time to visit their local beaches. i am glad i learned to swim at the beach.

Here you go Bud, hope you like it.

When I was a child, learning to swim was one of my most memorable memories. I felt unstoppable inside the water with so much freedom all around me. Hours and hours would pass by and I would spend every minute of it having so much fun. One of the places I loved to go was to the beach. The beach offers more than a place to develop strong swimming skills. For example, you can run on the sand along the shore or play volleyball. It is unfortunate that so many people spend their days indoors. I believe people should visit their local beaches and experience the fun and joy that I have. I am ecstatically overwhelmed that I learned to swim at the beach.