Hi, can someone help me revise with the following PIE paragraphs I need help with grammar puntuatuion. I would like if you can help me add or take some setences if does not make sense thank you!! Problem, Cause, and Solution PIE Paragraphs

One of the systemic education problems is that the financial aid system doesn’t offer financial help to students. For example, When students doesn’t recive financial help they are just worry about how they going to pay for their tuition. When they don’t have money to pay for they tuition they might thinking in not continue with school. In the memoir Educated, Tara Westover had this problem when she first started school at Brigham Young University. Westover (2018) wrote, “My bank account decreased steadily, I had been worried that I might not pass my classes, but a month into the semester, after I’d paid tuition and rent and bought food and books, I began to think that even if I pass I wouldn’t be coming back to school for one obvious reason: I couldn’t afford it” (p. 239). Westover said that she might not continue with school because she doesn’t have enough money to pay her rent and her tuition. If financial aid provides her help, she might not be thinking in leave the shcool. This concludes that the financial help system is a big problem with students’ education.
The first cause of this problem comes from student parent income. Financial aid offer financial help to students based on they parent income. The financial aid system assumes that a if a student parent income is high enough they will be able to cover their son or doughter tuition. For example, I have a friend who was studying at Skagit valley college she couldn’t qualified for financial aid because her parent’s income was too high. Financial aid thought that her parent would help her because their income was high enough. What financial did not know is that her parent wouldn’t help her pay for college tuition. This leads her to stop with her education and looks for work so she can save money to pay for college.
The second, cause is that they are hard on the requirement. Financial aid require students to be a full time student in order to qualify for financial aid. When financial aid require student to take 3 classes, they can not learn all the material that they are studying When student take more than three classes, they can not learn what they are studying because is too much for their brain. For example in “ A Glossary of Common Lerning Terms.” John Webster’s ( 2020) wrote, “Our brains work easily with a few concepts or numbers at once, but when we work with more than three to five entities the “load” begins to get heavy.” This what happened to student when the financial aid require them to take three classes. When student take three classes it is difficul for them to learn all the three subject they are studying. Their brain can’t process well all the information they are learning. This leads to a bad GPA at the end of the quarter because they did not perform well on the assignment because it was too much information for their brain.
First solution is that financial aid should not offer financial aid help base on students parent income. Not all parent help their son or daughter to pay for college. For example as I mention before my friend parent didn’t help her to pay for her college tuition. Even her parent income was high they didn’t help her to pay for her college tuition. This is what many student face todays their parent income does not have nothing to do with them. For this reason financial aid should not focus on student parent income in order to offer them financial aid. Financial aid system should help students independently not base on their parent income.

A solution to financial aid system problem is to change the hard requirement that they have on students. For example the financial aid should provide financial aid for part time students and not just for full time students. If financial aid don’t change their requirement, students are more likely are more to not continue with their education. For example, one of my other frind coldn’t qualified for financial aid because she was a part time students. Since she couldn’t qualified for financial aid she stop attending college. The last time I talk with her she told me that she might not come back to college because she work and she can not be a full time student. For For this reason, financial aid needs to change the hard requirement and be able to help all students no matter if they are part time or full time students by doing this financial aid will help students to achieve their goals.