Read the two introductory paragraphs representing a first draft and a revision of a narrative about making a
difficult choice.
What types of descriptive language strengthen the
revision?
First Draft: Last week, I won two tickets to see the
hottest band in the country perform. I will never forget
the anticipation I felt waiting to find out if I was the lucky
caller. The only problem was that I would have to
choose who to go with me: Jackie or Sharon.
O hyperbole and figurative language
O sensory details and precise adjectives
O simile and figurative language
O metaphor and strong verbs
Revision: Last week, I won two tickets to see the
hottest band in the country perform. I was on pins and
needles as I hung on the line, dying to see if I was the
lucky caller. The only problem was that I would be
forced to make a choice between my two best friends.
Should I invite Jackie or Sharon?