SOME MORE DARK HUMOR 1. “Siri, why am I still single?!” Siri activates front camera.
2. I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
3. What did the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs say?
T-Rex, I’m coming for my hug!
4. What does my dad have in common with Nemo?
They both can’t be found.
5. Tombstone engraving: I TOLD you I was sick.
6. It’s important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my good friends would still be alive.
7. My husbando is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
8. What’s the last thing to go through a fly’s head as it hits the windshield of a car going 70 mph? Its butt.
9. You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they make a group photo.
11. I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
12. The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies. They’re always so twisted.
13. You’re not completely useless. You can always serve as a bad example.
14. I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.
15. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet? None. Historians have suggested most pirates would have been illiterate.
18. “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
19. “Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?” “To the morgue.” “What? But I’m not dead yet!” “And we’re not there yet.”
20. When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter how they prepare their chicken. “Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
21. Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
22. What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip-off.

25. My boss said to me, “You’re the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?” I said, “I’m not sure; it’s hard to keep track.”

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30. My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!” They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

33. “I have good and bad news,” the doctor said to his patient. “Give me the good news first,” the patient said. “Your test results are back,” the doctor said, “and you have only two days to live.” “That’s the good news?” the patient exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?” “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”
34. My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

Read these lines from denise levertov's poem "in thai binh (peace) province": it is that life, unhurried, sure, persistent, i must bring home when i try to bring the war home. child, river, light. here the future, fabled bird that has migrated way from america, nests, and breeds, and sings, common as any sparrow. which statement best interprets the author's use of metaphor in these lines? a. the metaphor of home suggests that american foreign policy should turn inward. b. the metaphor of the river suggests that life moves ear forward. c. the metaphor of the fabled bird suggests that the war has left americans divided. d. the metaphor of the fabled bird suggests that vietnam will rise to fight again.

What is the most likely inference a reader can make about eliza's emotional state

Excerpt from 100% - the story of a patriot upton sinclair 10 so peter walked along, with his belt drawn tight, and his restless blue eyes wandering here and there, looking for a place to get a meal. there were jobs to be had, but they were hard jobs, and peter wanted an easy one. there are people in this world who live by their muscles, and others who live by their wits; peter belonged to the latter class; and had missed many a meal rather than descend in the social scale. 11 peter looked into the faces of everyone he passed, searching for a possible opening. some returned his glance, but never for more than a second, for they saw an insignificant looking man, undersized, undernourished, and with one shoulder higher than the other, a weak chin and mouth, crooked teeth, and a brown moustache too feeble to hold itself up at the corners. peters' straw hat had many straws missing, his second-hand brown suit was become third-hand, and his shoes were turning over at the sides. in a city where everybody was "hustling," everybody, as they phrased it, "on the make," why should anyone take a second glance at peter gudge? why should anyone care about the restless soul hidden inside him, or dream that peter was, in his own obscure way, a sort of genius? no one did care; no one did dream. 12 it was about two o'clock of an afternoon in july, and the sun beat down upon the streets of american city. there were crowds upon the streets, and peter noticed that everywhere were flags and bunting. once or twice he heard the strains of distant music, and wondered what was "up." peter had not been reading the newspapers; all his attention bad been taken up by the quarrels of the smithers faction and the lunk faction in the first apostolic church, otherwise known as the holy rollers, and great events that had been happening in the world outside were of no concern to him. peter knew vaguely that on the other side of the world half a dozen mighty nations were locked together in a grip of death; the whole earth was shaken with their struggles, and peter had felt a bit of the trembling now and then. but peter did not know that his own country had anything to do with this european quarrel, and did not know that certain great interests throughout the country had set themselves to rouse the public to action. based on the author's characterization of peter in paragraphs 10, 11, and 12, which word best describes him? a) industrious b) loyal c) patriotic d) poor