I like the first paragraph. But look at my second one. It has no pizzazz, and it doesn't state my ideas very clearly. The last sentence, especially, packs in a lot of information that doesn't flow very well. I think I can make clearer by emphasizing the words "bureaucracy" and "way behind." Help me out: rewrite the paragraph using repetition to emphasize these words. Help me out: rewrite the paragraph using repetition to emphasize these words.

Rewrite the second paragraph using repetition to emphasize the words "bureaucracy" and "way behind."

This is the paragraph: You might think that cell phone technology was invented only a few years ago. But believe it or not, the idea behind cell phones has been around since 1947. The problem was, as is often the case, that the technology was way behind the idea. And the technology was way behind because government bureaucracy deliberately held it behind. Bureaucracy hindered the development of this handy device.

"This is the paragraph: You might think that cell phone technology was invented just a few years ago. However, believe it or not, the idea behind cell phones has been around since 1947. The problem was, as is often the case, that technology was way behind, it was way behind the resources and it was way behind the possibility. The technology was long overdue because the government bureaucracy deliberately left it behind. Bureaucracy hindered the development of this useful device, that is, bureaucracy was the main problem, bureaucracy impeded progress and bureaucracy made access to technological resources impossible."

Explanation:

Repetition is a figure and language that allows one or more words to be repeated in the same paragraph to emphasize the meaning of a given concept. In the case of the above paragraph, we can see that there was a need to highlight the bureaucracy as a villain of technological progress and how technological ideas always had problems to be executed according to plan. To emphasize these concepts, the repetition of the words "bureaucracy" and "way behind" was used, showing that technological advancement is difficult to be carried out.

explanation:

it's important for any number of settings.   but then i'm a retired teacher and my view may be biased.

it certainly will not weigh as a minus when applying to a college, while poor grades always work against you.

other factors are important like what you do to improve the community.