Could someone read my paragraph and tell me if you think it sounds like a good analysis? previously i read a chapter of h. g. wells' novel war of the worlds and listened to orson welles' radio broadcast of war of the worlds. then i had to write a paragraph outlining the similarities and differences between the chapter and the radio broadcast of war of the worlds. the paragraph is suppose to answer the question: which version of war of the worlds is more effective in creating fear of the unknown? i'm also supposed to include which words, phrases, and sentences the author selected to make me think or feel a certain way about the reading selection and why are those words, phrases, and sentences effective in making me think or feel the way i did about the reading selection.

my paragraph:
although the radio version of war of the worlds is more exciting, i believe that the novel is more effective in creating fear of the unknown. chapter 4 of the novel begins with the main character returning to where a crowd has gathered around the cylinder. we, the readers, don’t know where the cylinder came from or how it got there. in comparison, the broadcast begins by analyzing the cylinder. a professor even mentions that, “the metal casing is definitely found on this earth,” to let the audience know that whatever is inside is most likely extraterrestrial, too. the novel immediately begins building tension when someone cries, “he’s fallen in the pit! ” the area around the pit had become so crowded that “a young man, a shop assistant from woking” was pushed in moment before the cylinder begins to open. the broadcast, on the other hand, doesn’t mention anyone falling into the pit. i think what makes the novel version more effective in creating fear of the unknown is that no one was expecting what was inside the cylinder to look so different from us. the main character even says, “i think everyone expected to see a man emerge—possibly something a little unlike us terrestrial men, but in all essentials a man. i know i did.” it was complete subversion of everyone’s expectations that it made the martian’s appearance even more frightening. immediately after seeing what the alien really looks like, the protagonist describes the crowd’s reaction to it as well as his own:
a sudden chill came over me. there was a loud shriek from a woman behind. i half turned, keeping my eyes fixed upon the cylinder still, from which other tentacles were now projecting, and began pushing my way back from the edge of the pit. i saw astonishment giving place to horror on the faces of the people about me. i heard wordless exclamations on all sides. there was a general movement backwards. i saw the shopman struggling still on the edge of the pit. i found myself alone, and saw the people on the other side of the pit running off, stent among them. i looked again at the cylinder, and ungovernable terror gripped me. i stood petrified and staring
the people in the crowd were excited to see what the alien looked like but once they’ve seen it, they were afraid. the protagonist is so overcome with terror that he is unable to move, which is meant to make the reader feel nervous that the protagonist is in danger. both versions of the story use certain phrases and words to make the audience feel disgusted and frightened just like the people who are witnessing it. yet, the novel goes into more detail than the broadcast:
those who have never seen a living martian can scarcely imagine the strange horror of its appearance. the peculiar v-shaped mouth with its pointed upper lip, the absence of brow ridges, the absence of a chin beneath the wedgelike lower lip, the incessant quivering of this mouth, the gorgon groups of tentacles, the tumultuous breathing of the lungs in a strange atmosphere, the evident heaviness and painfulness of movement due to the greater gravitational energy of the earth—above all, the extraordinary intensity of the immense eyes—were at once vital, intense, inhuman, crippled and monstrous. there was something fungoid in the oily brown skin, something in the clumsy deliberation of the tedious movements unspeakably nasty. even at this first encounter, this first glimpse, i was overcome with disgust and dread.
words like “quivering,” “oily,” “monstrous,” and “inhuman,” are used to evoke a feeling of disgust and fear in the reader. it looks like a monster so, therefore, it will most likely act monstrous. the scene when the shopman appears at the edge of the pit, only to vanish seconds later with “a faint shriek”, only serves to intensifies the impression that the alien is there to cause harm.