What is he best revision of this sentence? staring at the sun, i hurt my eyes

  plan: i will begin with a quotation about the importance of unity in a community. then, i will state my claim that an activity will unite our school by creating a shared vision, purpose, and direction. in the body, i will use three main points that describe the different avenues the students can take: through a variety of clubs, through a special event, or through an awareness week. i will provide evidence about other towns that have unity activities and the kinds of events that they include. pictures will illustrate my three main points in action. for the ending, i will restate the main idea in a new way and pose a question to keep the audience thinking.