What can i do to improve my sentence? : it’s showing emotional appeal and mentioning suffering from the issues presented causing the audience to evoke pity and sympathy; trying to persuade them to see their point of view and feel for them

For starters , explain what is being shown such as the (Emotional Appeal) if your going to state all of this in 1 sentence also include all the information. Use "Audience" instead of "them" so it doesn't sound as repetative it may sound repatative in terms of word choice but bigger subtext will create influx in your sentence.

Explanation:

Use this for refrence

The excerpt shows emotional appeal towards one's suffering from ..(include what the issue is) ..  causing the audience to feel pity and sympathy towards (name of person) ; whilst trying to persuade the audience to see their point of view and feel for (name of person) .

whats the question you didnt post a question

explanation:

i’m writing a memoir and i’ve been given the great suggestion of placing a ‘sub-narrative’ within some of the chapters – sort of, what was going on with me in the grand scheme of things.

i was wondering how to format this so that it is very obvious we are stepping out the of story.

firstly is a change in font from serif to sans workable? i also use dashes for a scene change. was thinking of using a different scene-changer too.

here’s a (shortened) example:

university – or what’s known as ‘uni’ in australia – were some of the best days of my life. where else do you get to potter around in a great location, have very little responsibility, learn lots of things, do lots of things and walk out four years later with a bonus – a degree!

with my university years i had immersed myself into community of intelligent ambitious people. generally everyone had a confidence about themselves. they knew where they were going in life and weren’t threatened by others.

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next normal paragraph continues here…

(sorry couldn’t show the fonts in this comment field)

too much?