I've been thinking alot lately after the car incident and i wanna know WHY

Why did amya and glitch befriend me?
Why did Mark fall in love with me?
Why am i still alive?
Why do i have friends?
Why do i live like this?
Why do i punch holes in my walls to release pain if its only causing more?
Why did i get in a car accident?
Why did i wake up?
Why did my siblings get hurt?
Why do i get abused?
Why do i get ra. ped by my own dad?
Why does my mom hate me?
Why do people hate me?
Why do i hav anxeity
Why do i have seperation anxiety disorder?
Why do i live like this?
Why did my siblings get hurt cause of me?
Why am i awake?
Why dont i sleep and never wake up?
Why do i cry in a dark room all day?
Why o i hide things?
Why dont i open up to people?
Why do i feel this way?
Why do i get heartbroken?
WHY Does This Happen To Me?