Write a diary about a person whose depressed and suicidal

I'm all alone in this world. People I trust have all let me down, throw me to the wolves, and left me for dead.

Even my best friend joined other people to laugh at me when I slipped and fell. Does she not understand how much that hurts me? Doesn't she know that I died a thousand times over when I heard her cackle before it turned into howling laughter? I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me.

It's not my fault that I'm clumsy and dull. Doctors said I might be slow, I'm not sure. Most times I just want to be left alone.

I did not ask to be born. I was in a state of nothingness, bliss, and satisfaction before two overeager people decided to have sex and now I have to face the harsh realities of life.

I was reading a report of how a man drank acid and died, I think that is too gross. I think the Japanese way of seppuku which involves slashing one's abdomen till the insides come out and maybe someone else will behead the dying man as a mark of honor is also extreme. I am a coward, I prefer a gun to my throat. That is better. Fast and painless.

Dear diary, what do you think?

it is a better alternative